"Children Are Born Persons"

"Children are born persons."

This simple quote from Charlotte Mason has really resonated with me lately.

As a mom to 3 little girls (ages 7, 5.5 and almost 3) I'm learning that I need to respect who God made them to be. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God. Yes, they need discipline. I need discipline but what's that look like when you have a kid who isn't typical?

One of my girls was diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder back in December. I'll be honest, I'm very skeptical of all the "stuff" surrounding these labels. For one, I don't fully understand it all. I know I never will. I'm an avid reader, read trusted sources, etc, but I still don't fully get it. But, and this is a big but, there is something "different" (I don't mean different in a negative way) about her. She's been a more sensitive child than our others. We knew this from pretty much day 1. She got overtired super quick. She liked pitch black darkness. She had her likes and dislikes and made them known. Fast forward 2 years later and we have a very verbal child. But she still can't fully express her needs (she struggles with that even now as an almost 6 year old). And she now walks on her tiptoes (and has since she was 2). And she has meltdowns so easily. And she likes her clothes a certain way-nothing itchy, shorts that are soft and slip on and off, no jeans or buttons or zippers. She's so sensitive, more so than I feel a typical child is. She cries through half of a movie in the theater (something we've done twice) because Dory can't find her parents. When she misbehaves I discipline and nothing works. Timeouts. Room time. Spankings. You name, we've tried it.

And denial creeps in for pretty much 3 years. I write off her behavior. "Oh she's just being 2." "Oh, she's just being 3." You get the point. Really, if I'm honest with myself, I write off her. I give up on her. I get angry with her. I yell at her. I cry about it and think it'll change but it doesn't. I don't, not for a while. And there's a lot of guilt attached to how I act towards her. I blame it on me not being consistent enough in disciplining her. I blame it on whatever circumstance is happening. But I can't control everything. And I can't control her.

I realize when she turns 5 that we need some intervention. I can't ignore our really hard days anymore. And I mean really hard days. And they very much outweigh the good days. We have probably 1 good day to 6 bad days some weeks. She can't cope. I'm still yelling at her about how she acts. And I'm lost. I have no clue what to do. And I don't want to treat her like this anymore. She's a person! She's a loving, compassionate, sensitive child who God made and entrusted to me and I am not treating her with the respect she deserves.

I struggle to understand what a sensory processing disorder means. I know there's negative connotations that are attached to that label but I'm beginning to understand what it means for my girl.

My girl senses the world around her more strongly than I do or than most people do. That's how I interpret a sensory processing disorder for her. If she falls, stubs her toe, bumps into a wall she will scream so loud. It's a piercing scream that isn't always easy to take. If I'm sensitive to getting hurt then she's triple sensitive to something, at the very least. If I find a movie challenging to watch, it's more intense for her. Her feelings and emotions are just MORE. And that's simple to understand. She senses the world around her more strongly than I do. She gets overwhelmed very easily, especially in unfamiliar places. Even in familiar places she may struggle with what's around her.

If I'm honest with myself and honest with her I've not treated her with the respect she deserves. She's a person and she deserves not being made fun of if she falls and hurts herself. She deserves not to be yelled out or told to "get over it." When she seems dramatic, it's not that, it's that she feels her hurt more intensely than I do. More intensely than you do. And just because I don't understand what she's feeling doesn't mean I need to disrespect her. Everyone deserves respect, whether child or adult.

"The person should know about his worth, his unique place as a creature made to have a relationship with God. He understands who he is, his ability to choose, that he matters, that he is accepted and valued. He should like himself, even love himself. He is realistic; he accepts his own limitations, and knows that he can be creative within them. Having liked and accepted himself, he will go on to have the basis for liking and accepting his neighbor. Knowing that God has loved and served him, he will know that it is fostered by the child's human relationships, more than words about God to begin with. He should be with people who treat him with respect, politeness, truth. This includes the parent/teacher's (ANY grown-up) not pretending to know everything or acting as if he has arrived and is morally or spiritually perfect. If we are truthful about our own knowledge/intellectual limitations, this fresh air of truth and openness will help the child accept himself. It will help him strive for what is right and good. We prefer the company of others like ourselves, to the intimidation of a superman or woman who makes us feel rotten."
From For the Children's Sake, pgs. 148-149

Thanks for reading.

"No TV" update

About ten months ago I wrote a post on how I turned off the TV during the day. Since making that decision about a year ago we have continued to have the TV off in our home during the day. We do watch basketball and football games when they're on the weekends but that's usually the extent of our TV watching. We turn it on at night when the girls are in bed but sometimes even then it's not on for long. Turning the television off has truly been a blessing to us!

Because of that decision we have read dozens of books over and over again, we have put together countless puzzles, used imaginations, built tents and forts, played outside a lot more, had a healthier diet, talked more, sang and danced, cooked meals together and just had fun! My stress level is much lower and I'm able to get more done around our house. I feel more accomplished each day!

Nyla's language skills have exploded and continue to this day. We have full out conversations with one another and she knows a lot of words. At her 2-year well appointment she was about a year ahead in language skills and her knowledge of all her colors, shapes, etc. She knows what an octagon is and how many sides it has and that the stop sign is that shape! She is also very observant when we're in the car. She loves looking for Beetlebugs and cruisers (PT Cruisers), diggers, dump trucks, fire trucks, ambulances and so on. Yes, she may have learned those things if we kept the TV on all day but I'm very convinced that she wouldn't be where she is today if the TV stayed on.

Naomi was a newborn when I made the decision but I feel like she's ahead in language skills more than Nyla was at her age. She's babbling constantly and will "talk" to us all the time, something Nyla never did. I know they're different people and they'll develop differently but I feel it's because there's no television distracting her.

All-in-all we're glad to have made the decision to turn off the television. It's not for everyone and that's fine but it's definitely been a blessing in our lives. It also goes along with my goal of being intentional with my time. And that's a huge goal for me this year.

 Our girls are only this age for such a short period of time and if turning off the TV means more time to enjoy this age, then I will gladly do it. It's certainly not a sacrifice to me. It's a way of life!

Beautiful Chaos

Brunch with my parents Sunday morning

Christmas Eve at Gigi's
She's baking us a cake in her mixer

Naomi at Gigi's, making a silly face

The teepee we got the girls

Christmas morning at my parents house

Christmas has been overwhelming to me in the past 6 years. But I try not to look at it as overwhelming, not anymore at least.

See, I grew up with just my parents and sister in town. Our Christmases included presents, breakfast, relaxing and then a movie later on in the day. And maybe some of our grandparents would come for Christmas on the occasional year.

Now, six years later I've just completed my fifth Christmas of the week. Yes, five! Friday night we had dinner with the Gafford's, Christmas Eve was with my MIL, then Christmas with our family of 4 later on that day, Christmas morning with my parents and Christmas evening with the Whitehorn extended family (my MIL's family). And the extended family functions aren't small, the grandparents all had 5 children and then all those kids have kids and those kids are having kids (the great-grandchildren now). If you're exhausted from just reading it, I totally understand!

Last year was really hard for me. We'd made the decision to start paring down our belongings and then Christmas came along and we all got more stuff. Thankfully, I'm fairly strict about the "one in, one out" rule so as to not be so overwhelmed.

This year I had a good attitude and looked at it as "beautiful chaos." Let's be honest, Christmas time can be utter chaos but instead of looking at it like that, I took a positive approach and made it "beautiful" instead.

"Beautiful chaos" means enjoying the special moment when Nyla lights up about a certain present. It's about Naomi opening her first presents and trying to get the hang of opening things. It's being surrounded by loving family who are so giving. It's about sitting next to my husband as present-opening is happening and showing one another what the girls got. It's about enjoying the moments of our girls being this age for just today; they'll be one day older tomorrow and one year older at the next Christmas. This piece of their life is so short to us.

Instead of looking at it as we got more "stuff" and getting bogged down in that negative feeling I enjoyed our "beautiful chaos" this weekend.

Merry Christmas!

Working puzzles at my parents

A few of the grandchildren and great grandchildren Christmas night

Nyla got a tricycle from Gigi and she had to ride it immediately!

We started a tradition in our home this year. I made a cake and we sang
"happy birthday" to Jesus.

A Day of Silence

Ginny

Happy Birthday, Naomi!

Sweet Naomi, you are 1 year old today. Where has the year gone?!?!

I was floored at how I loved you instantly. Unfortunately, it was hours before I got to hold you! But it was as if I'd known you forever when I finally did get to hold you. It was such a natural feeling. Since you were baby number two, I was much more confident in my mothering skills. Your wild and busy sister prepared me for that! :) And since you're a much more sensitive child I was glad you were baby number two. Being more relaxed help me cope with your sensitivities. 

With all 11 pounds 4 ounces of you, there was a lot to love! And I couldn't get enough of your chubby cheeks and big round belly; I still can't. You are so beautiful and we love our "Chunkster."

I'm thankful God entrusted us to be your parents. Wow, that floors me just typing that out! I still can't wrap my brain around God's unconditional love for us. Until your sister and you came along I didn't get it at all, at least now I understand a very small piece of it. I don't think you'll ever understand how I love you or how much I love you, until you have children of your own. I don't think anyone gets it until then. 

I'm so thankful I get to be your Mama. Through the good days and the rough days I am always here for you and for Nyla. Life would look so different without you in it. You are a constant joy in our lives. You smile ALL the time, giggle at everything Nyla does and give big, wet kisses. I didn't think my heart had room for another baby but I was so wrong. There's always room!

Happy Birthday to you, sweet Naomi. We love you so much!!!

Naomi around 5 hours old. Her sugar was low and my recovery wasn't going great
so she went to the nursery while I went to recovery for what lasted forever!

Taken just a couple of weeks ago. This about sums her up: BIG smile,
lots of teeth and wild hair. She is busy like her big sister!

Blessing Others... In Prayer

A few weeks ago I wrote a post about blessings people with food and how it's something I've felt called to do with the many food blessings we have. Today I figured I'd continue the "series" and talk on something else.

Prayer.

Something I can do often but something I do very little.

This past week I found out a girl I've known since she was about 4 years old (now 16 years old) is struggling. She's struggling with anorexia. I'm heartbroken. This is a girl who comes from a sweet and loving Christian family who you look at and think they're perfect. And yet here she is, struggling. It tells me no one is safe.

I'm at a loss for words. I held my girls and wept on last Thursday afternoon; struggling to wrap my brain around it. It's a word I've heard most of my life but never experienced or known anyone who's experienced it. I wept for my friend and her family. I wept for others who struggle with it. I wept for the unknown. Would my girls ever experience this?

In my head I play out scenarios of what I would say to her or write her in a note.

I don't know what to say.

All I can think to say is, "I'm praying for you. And if you ever want me to pray with you I can do that too."

We have made and continue to make healthier choices for our family. Daniel and I are the examples the girls see the most when it comes to food. I think I need to write this on a card and put it on the fridge and on the pantry. Would it make me more aware of making better choices? They don't notice now but in a couple of years they will. I don't want them to see me have a bad relationship with food. I don't want them to see all the struggles I have with it. Some struggles are okay; and I do want to be able to talk about everything with them. And food will be one of them.

This has been a wake up call for me. This is why we don't watch much TV. Food commercials, clothes and super skinny models are not what I want in my girls heads each day and night. This is why I have to change my thinking when it comes to food. I need to have a better relationship with food. This is why I need to pray. And not only for my friend and her family but for others and for my girls.

Blessing Others... With Food

I love to cook, bake, meal plan and, of course, eat.

I love the seeing all the ingredients separate on the counter; the different colors, textures and smells all appeal to my senses. And then I get to chop it all up? I really do love that! And by the end of it, it's a complete meal. We sit at the table as a family and enjoy the food we've been blessed with. I just love the whole process of food preparation.

A couple weeks ago our next door neighbor fell and broke her leg. We didn't know what happened at the time but Daniel saw an ambulance at her house and then her in it. A few days later I was menu planning and shopping for our next two weeks and felt like I needed to take her a meal and I wanted to. I wanted to make a few lasagna's for the freezer so I decided to make her one too. It's just as easy to triple a recipe as it is to double and I get just as many pots and pans dirty. Why not bless someone with a meal? Nyla and I took the lasagna and a loaf of homemade french bread over last Friday and it was appreciated. She thanked us and thanked us and we were on our way, not only having blessed someone but feeling blessed in return.

I'll tell you, though, it wasn't easy for me to ring her door bell. I'm a fairly shy girl especially when I don't know someone and I barely know our neighbor. We wave and say hello in passing and had a few quick conversations but nothing more than that. It was easy for me to cook the lasagna and bread but it wasn't so easy for me to get up and take it to her. I contemplated not taking it at all. But I did. I took Nyla with me and that honestly helped me feel comfortable. Why a 2-year old helped me feel comfortable I'll never know but it really did help. 

And lately I've felt called to share our food. We have SO much and we're so thankful, why not share the abundance we've been blessed with? And that's why I wanted to share a lasagna. Since I love to cook it's easy to pass on a loaf of bread or an extra lasagna. I love seeing people's surprised looks when I bring in a treat for them. I love blessing others... with food.