"Children Are Born Persons"

"Children are born persons."

This simple quote from Charlotte Mason has really resonated with me lately.

As a mom to 3 little girls (ages 7, 5.5 and almost 3) I'm learning that I need to respect who God made them to be. It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with God. Yes, they need discipline. I need discipline but what's that look like when you have a kid who isn't typical?

One of my girls was diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder back in December. I'll be honest, I'm very skeptical of all the "stuff" surrounding these labels. For one, I don't fully understand it all. I know I never will. I'm an avid reader, read trusted sources, etc, but I still don't fully get it. But, and this is a big but, there is something "different" (I don't mean different in a negative way) about her. She's been a more sensitive child than our others. We knew this from pretty much day 1. She got overtired super quick. She liked pitch black darkness. She had her likes and dislikes and made them known. Fast forward 2 years later and we have a very verbal child. But she still can't fully express her needs (she struggles with that even now as an almost 6 year old). And she now walks on her tiptoes (and has since she was 2). And she has meltdowns so easily. And she likes her clothes a certain way-nothing itchy, shorts that are soft and slip on and off, no jeans or buttons or zippers. She's so sensitive, more so than I feel a typical child is. She cries through half of a movie in the theater (something we've done twice) because Dory can't find her parents. When she misbehaves I discipline and nothing works. Timeouts. Room time. Spankings. You name, we've tried it.

And denial creeps in for pretty much 3 years. I write off her behavior. "Oh she's just being 2." "Oh, she's just being 3." You get the point. Really, if I'm honest with myself, I write off her. I give up on her. I get angry with her. I yell at her. I cry about it and think it'll change but it doesn't. I don't, not for a while. And there's a lot of guilt attached to how I act towards her. I blame it on me not being consistent enough in disciplining her. I blame it on whatever circumstance is happening. But I can't control everything. And I can't control her.

I realize when she turns 5 that we need some intervention. I can't ignore our really hard days anymore. And I mean really hard days. And they very much outweigh the good days. We have probably 1 good day to 6 bad days some weeks. She can't cope. I'm still yelling at her about how she acts. And I'm lost. I have no clue what to do. And I don't want to treat her like this anymore. She's a person! She's a loving, compassionate, sensitive child who God made and entrusted to me and I am not treating her with the respect she deserves.

I struggle to understand what a sensory processing disorder means. I know there's negative connotations that are attached to that label but I'm beginning to understand what it means for my girl.

My girl senses the world around her more strongly than I do or than most people do. That's how I interpret a sensory processing disorder for her. If she falls, stubs her toe, bumps into a wall she will scream so loud. It's a piercing scream that isn't always easy to take. If I'm sensitive to getting hurt then she's triple sensitive to something, at the very least. If I find a movie challenging to watch, it's more intense for her. Her feelings and emotions are just MORE. And that's simple to understand. She senses the world around her more strongly than I do. She gets overwhelmed very easily, especially in unfamiliar places. Even in familiar places she may struggle with what's around her.

If I'm honest with myself and honest with her I've not treated her with the respect she deserves. She's a person and she deserves not being made fun of if she falls and hurts herself. She deserves not to be yelled out or told to "get over it." When she seems dramatic, it's not that, it's that she feels her hurt more intensely than I do. More intensely than you do. And just because I don't understand what she's feeling doesn't mean I need to disrespect her. Everyone deserves respect, whether child or adult.

"The person should know about his worth, his unique place as a creature made to have a relationship with God. He understands who he is, his ability to choose, that he matters, that he is accepted and valued. He should like himself, even love himself. He is realistic; he accepts his own limitations, and knows that he can be creative within them. Having liked and accepted himself, he will go on to have the basis for liking and accepting his neighbor. Knowing that God has loved and served him, he will know that it is fostered by the child's human relationships, more than words about God to begin with. He should be with people who treat him with respect, politeness, truth. This includes the parent/teacher's (ANY grown-up) not pretending to know everything or acting as if he has arrived and is morally or spiritually perfect. If we are truthful about our own knowledge/intellectual limitations, this fresh air of truth and openness will help the child accept himself. It will help him strive for what is right and good. We prefer the company of others like ourselves, to the intimidation of a superman or woman who makes us feel rotten."
From For the Children's Sake, pgs. 148-149

Thanks for reading.