Thursday, November 7, 2013

She told me, "I hate you."

A couple nights ago I was in the kitchen getting dinner together, the girls were sitting at the table and Nyla turned around and looked at me and said, "I hate you." She had a little smirk on her face. I asked, "What did you say?" "I hate you" she said again.

I know she doesn't understand what she's saying. She's three. She's trying out words and seeing what they look like to her and seeing our reaction. I didn't overreact. I told her we don't use that word because it isn't nice. Then I turned around toward the counter and began to cry. That word from my precious, loving three-year-old. How can she already know that word?

I went upstairs and immediately hit my knees and prayed for her and for me. How do I handle this? How can I explain how hurtful that word is to me and to others?

The last thing I wanted to do was talk to her or even look at her. She cut me deep with one simple phrase. I know she doesn't know what it means but that doesn't make it any less painful to me. I never thought I'd hear, "I hate you" from my three-year-old, not this soon in our walk together.

Daniel sent her to her room after all this so we were both in our rooms crying. Like I said, the last thing I wanted to do was talk to her but I felt God pulling me to go in her room and hold her. He extends grace to me every single day and I knew I needed to extend the same to her. Forgive her. Love her. Hold her. So I did.

I scooped her up and we sat in her chair and cried together. I explained in few words that hate is a hurtful word that we don't use on anyone. We speak of love in our home not of hate. She told me she was sorry and we cried some more together.

While this isn't something I want to experience again, I'm sure I will. And just as I did, I'll extend grace and love, just as Christ does for me.





8 comments:

ERKM said...

Wow, good job, Mommy! I don't know how I would have handled it either, but it would certainly cut me to the core too. I think you did a great job with the situation. *hugs*

Ginny Gafford said...

It was certainly tough but I know it's the way to keep the relationship open and not hold grudges. Training starts early!

ERKM said...

Oh, you know what else? I just remembered doing something like this myself as a child. I remember gleefully waiting for my mom to come in my room and put in a music tape for me to list to at night, as was our custom, and I couldn't wait to ask her the new question I'd learned. I just knew she'd be amazed that I picked up on this new phrase. In she came, in went the tape, and I merrily asked her, "What the hell is in there?" Needless to say, I didn't get the reaction I thought I would. My recollection is that mom asked me, "Where did you hear that?" and I sheepishly answered, "An Elvis movie." I'm sure Nyla was just as crushed that her new phrase didn't go over well either. Tough situation for both of you.

Ginny Gafford said...

Haha, we say the craziest things don't we?
It's definitely important to remember they're trying out words and phrases because they don't really know what it means. They can't grasp it. I read that in a book and have kept that in the back of my mind. So when she said it it hurt but I also know she doesn't understand. While it didn't make it much easier to hear it, it helped me better understand her little mind. :) I'm sure it won't be the last time I hear it, I just didn't think I'd hear it until she was about 13!
And yes, I'm sure Nyla was crushed her new phrase wasn't taken very well.
Your funny story makes me feel a little better. :)

erin said...

Aw, I would have cried too. I think you handled that really well!

Ginny Gafford said...

Thank you Erin. It wasn't easy. That word never is. It was a tough situation but i feel like i handled it the best way i could. Everyday is a learning experience!

Ginny Gafford said...

Thank you Erin. It wasn't easy. That word never is. It was a tough situation but i feel like i handled it the best way i could. Everyday is a learning experience!

SparingChange said...

What a powerful post. Thank you for sharing it with us.